Monday, September 7, 2009

Don't say I didn't warn you that this blog would be random... it's in the heading of my blog!

Sometimes I wish my brain came with an 'off switch'... or at least a pause button!

Usually I don't have any troubles just slowing down, stopping to think about 'nothing' and enjoying some peace and quiet. Unlike a lot of people I know, I never have trouble falling asleep because my brain won't shut down. But... lately, I feel like my brain just won't stop! I've been thinking a lot (I know, I'm just asking for a witty comment with that statement!) and whether it's about deep spiritual things, people, my daily activities, or things coming up in the next few days/weeks/months/years, I just can't seem to stop my mind from thinking about something.

These days it's been a lot of spiritual things and personal reflections that have been preoccupying my mind... figuring out my emotions and feelings, thinking about what's really important in life, what I'm in Japan for, what my future holds, figuring out my priorities, how I can be growing into the person God has created me to be (and the changes that need to be made in my life to become that person), how I can draw closer to God, and so on...

I guess it's not a terrible thing to be thinking about these things. In fact it's good. I like knowing that I'm working through things and growing and being stretched... but is it really necessary to be thinking almost 24/7?? It feels like there's always something I am thinking about at the back of my mind (if not the front!) at all times lately.

Last night for the first time in a long time, I couldn't fall asleep because my mind was just running at full speed! I've also found that during my quiet times, I just can't seem to focus completely on my Bible reading or prayers. I'm constantly 'scolding' myself for my drifting thoughts and it's becoming really frustrating. On Friday I tried getting away from everything and I went to 'my spot' by the water for a couple of hours to pray and read my Bible. Although there were certainly less distractions and it was peaceful and quiet, I still really struggled to give God my full attention.

What is up with my brain these days... why does it feel the need to constantly be active?!

Any good tips to get me focused/train my brain when it's allowed to think and when it needs to just shut down???


Bobby Baden said...

Hey, I don't always comment, but I do read all of your posts!
Last summer, I went through a period where I couldn't sleep and I wasn't sure why. I asked a friend (Pastor Tokimatsu, who I was working with at the time) to pray for me, and the Lord fixed me right up! So maybe all you need is a little prayer :)

Hillary said...

thanks... good to know one other person besides my Mom faithfully reads what I write!
What happened to your blog?? You haven't written for over a month now! (I know, I know... you're busy and perhaps you've got better priorities than I do...I just like to hassle you!)
That's neat that Pastor Tokimatsu was able to pray for you...and that you were able to see prayer make a difference! (Is that the same Pastor Tokimatsu that came to preach and stayed with you a couple months ago?)
Like I said this morning, I am hoping this was just a one time thing! It was just the falling asleep part that I had trouble with, but once I was out I was fine! I'll let you guys know if it continues though and you can pray for me!

nadine said...

I like the fact that you have a "spot by the ocean" we definitely are alike:)

I agree with Bobby about the prayer thing, and also, if you are trying to focus on God but keep thinking of to-do list type stuff, just have a pen and paper to write things down and get them out of your mind do that you can deal with them later and not worry about forgetting them, but focus on what important in the moment.

Hillary said...

friend! so good to hear from you!! I miss you!

yes, we certainly are alike... I thought of you when I found my spot! I also think about you every time it rains (which is not that much now that it's summer, but of course I think about you more than when it rains!)

Thanks for the advice... that's a good idea. I'll have to test that out!

I love you OTNS! (funny how we've kept that typo going for so long isn't it?!)